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Start giftingPassing Judgment
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Learn moreOur obsession with praise and blame begins soon after birth. Totally dependent on others, rapidly we learn to value praise and to fear the consequences of blame. Despite outgrowing an infant's dependence, we continue to monitor others' judgments of us—and develop what relational psychologist Terri Apter calls a "judgment meter," which constantly scans people and our interactions with them, registering a positive or negative opinion.
Apter reveals how interactions between parents and children, within couples, and among friends and colleagues are permeated with praise and blame that range far beyond specific compliments and accusations. Drawing on three decades of research, Apter gives us tools to learn about our personal needs, goals, and values; to manage our biases; to tolerate others' views; and to make sense of our most powerful, and often confusing, responses to ourselves and to others.
Terri Apter is a writer, psychologist, and retired Fellow of Newnham College, Cambridge. Her nine books include The Sister Knot and What Do You Want from Me? She lives in Cambridge, England.
Ann Marie Lee has worked extensively as an actress in the theater-from Broadway National Tours to regional theater, ranging from classical to contemporary to musicals-as well as in guest and recurring roles in television and film. She has recorded numerous audiobooks and has received several AudioFile Earphones Awards as well as a Publishers Weekly Listen-Up Award.